Happy 30th Birthday Uncle Lincoln!!!

Happy 30th Birthday Uncle Lincoln!

I hear that I'm quite a tasty morsel in Hong Kong. Don't get any funny ideas.

I hope you have a very special birthday and may all your wishes come true.

P.S. Hi Auntie Mary!

Trippy Dream

Whoa! I just dreamt that my (adopted) grandfather bought me this palatial aquarium. It was nuts! There were all these cool fish on the bottom layer and on the top there was this huge seashell with a mermaid in it, à la Botticelli's The Birth of Venus but much more respectable. I was huge too. I was like the He-Man of crabs. Even though I was so big it wasn't cramped at all because there was so much space and gallons of water. The rest of the aquarium was Elvis' meets the Lounge Lizard- white base with faux pearls strung around and lots of gold.

Then the dream morphed and I was in another aquarium but it was even bigger. It turned out that they were shooting a Disney movie and I was in it. The other actors kept forgetting their lines but I never flubbed mine. I was so cool. Completely awesome. I was fighting to stay asleep so I could live in the dream for a little longer.

Get rid of that palm tree and bring me that mermaid!

Therapist Notes

Confused Crab

Yamazaki is biologically male but may very well be struggling with issues of androgyny in the metaphysical sense. When Yumi was around, there was a lot of macho posturing going on. His behavior may have been compensation for some deeper issues he has about himself. Who knows, maybe he felt stuck in the limbo of androgyny but felt the societal pressures to identify with one gender or the other. It may have been easier when Yumi was with him because in a way, she defined him. Because she was female, he knew his role was male. She was the yin to his yang but with her gone, his definition has been lost. Is there male when there is no female? Without her, he is uncertain. These quandries keep him hoovering in the undefined ~androgyny.

As with most crabbies his age, he also suffers mood swings. The drastic changes in his mood are largely due to him being, well, a crab and having some insecurities. I suspect that Yamazaki has some latent traumatic memories that he is suppressing but the affects of those traumas are manifesting itself in his behavior and outlook on the world.

Party People Suck!

We had a party at our place last night to celebrate Abby and Cameron's wedding. I did a little time at Auntie Abby's. It was great there. I got to watch TV and there was a dog. ...the good ole days.

The party was a potluck so there was tons of food and so many people. So many people who completely ignored my pleas for a little assistance with the plastic palm tree. They wouldn't even sign my petition let alone remove the plastic palm tree. So, I played dead. Why should I dance to entertain them when they (who are so blessed with opposable thumbs) do nothing to help those of God's creatures without fingers. The best I can do is pinch with my ginormous claw.

*pinch*pinch*

Yamazaki

Ready for my close up

You ugly, mass of non-biodegradable petroleum - You are my enemy

I would like to share with everyone that my Uncle Tseming also has a blog. Unlike this blog, he actually has some interesting and insightful things to share with the world. My Uncle Tseming is uber smart and devastatingly handsome. My Auntie Tinling enriches the world by her very existence. Uncle Tseming and Auntie Tinling, the two wonderful people that they are, share my indignation of the plastic palm tree. (ahem...If Uncle Tseming and Auntie Tinling are reading, this is a not so subtle hint to take the plastic palm tree out of my habitat the next time you visit.)

Crabbies of the World- UNITE!!!

To all the other crabbies out there with plastic palm trees cluttering your home, I feel your frustration. I do. I really really do. I now ask you to join me in drafting the Universal Declaration of Crabby Rights. I propose that the first article contain a complete ban on plastic palm trees. Brothers and Sisters, are you with me?! Down with the plastic palm tree!!

In Solidarity,

Yamazaki

Love me, Love me, Say that you love me...

I've got The Cardigans' Lovefool song stuck in my head. I'm sitting in my water feeling pretty lazy this morning with a depressing song stuck in my head. I haven't eaten much because the pellets they feed me stank. Who can eat that crap? Hmm...what shall I do today? Blow some more bubbles? Stare at that damn plastic plam tree?

dum dee dum dum...

I'm so bored. I wish I had some goldfish to snap at or something. What's up with the plastic palm tree in my habitat? Am I supposed to think it's real? Am I expected to lounge under its shade? Is it supposed to make me feel more "at home"? I'm from JAPAAAAN!!!! We don't have stinkin plam trees in Japan!

C'mon.

You people insult me.

Introducing Yamazaki

Hello Everyone,

My name is Yamazaki and I am crab. My family rescued me from being fried alive in hot oil from a tempura bar in downtown Los Angeles. I was born in Japan and had a nice life there but then someone put me in a box and I have no idea what happened to me after that. Next thing I knew, I was in LA.

I now live in the burbs of Glendale in a little blue aquarium. I used to have a girlfriend, Yumi, but some bad things happened to her... I feel a little guilty but I couldn't help it. It's in my nature. I've been a little crabbier than usual after she died and my therapist thinks it's from the guilt. I am trying to have a happier disposition but I can't help it. I'm a crab.